The Therapeutic Relationship for Massage Therapists
Understanding the therapeutic relationship for massage therapists is an ongoing process. The more massages you do the more you will see that there is much more to it than just whatever technique you are using or how much anatomy you know. While these things can help, they are really only just a tool or framework for communicating with clients.
I was told early in my career that it is “10% technique and 90% who you are”.
Because we work with clients who are in pain and often in some state of stress and also work with clients in a state of undress, it can bring up many feelings of vulnerability. The therapeutic relationship actually begins the moment that the person starts thinking about making the search for a massage therapist and makes the calls. They are looking for an answer to their problem which as I said is usually something related to pain/stress. They look up to massage therapists for that answer which is how the dynamics of the therapeutic relationship begin. A power differential is created. The same thing happens in almost all relationships – work, school, careers and it all begins with how the persons relationship with their early caregivers went. If they were able to securely attach to their caregivers (parents) it creates a stronger framework for creating relationships. It will influence all future relationships including ones with strangers such as health care professionals like massage therapists.
To put it in simple terms – the client will think and act in ways that resemble the child/parent dynamics that were created in their early years.
The key to healing in the therapeutic relationship is having a deeper understanding of yourself so that you can remain present and impartial to the pain and stress that the client brings to the table. That does not mean that you are not compassionate. Quite the opposite. Being able to feel your feelings while working on people who are in pain and under stress but not act on your feelings by doing things like giving advice and trying to “fix” people requires that you know yourself and your own issues so that they don’t get triggered when working with people.
This is one of the most important part of being a successful massage therapist and one of the least talked about. Because we work closely with people our issues will come up. It is inevitable. They show up when you want to become friends with clients, when clients ask you out on dates, when you work long hours beyond your scheduled times, when you take less pay or give discounts thinking that you need to to get new clients. It shows up in many ways.
In working with the therapeutic relationship it is important to create your own code of ethics and policies and procedures to help you when you are faced with difficult situations which require your decisions.
Ethical dilemmas will arise when someone challenges your code of ethics and you are caught between making money and building a business or keeping your job. We are influenced by our own upbringing, fears of being accepted and successful as well as our own needs and desires. Being able to separate our feelings from our emotions is a part of becoming an adult and achieving individuation. In order to achieve that we need support for ourselves to feel heard and accepted enough to be able to make difficult decisions.
Peer Supervision is one way of getting the support you need for these ethical dilemmas and challenges of starting and building a massage business (or working in a massage job).
Getting regular supervision sessions with a more experienced massage therapist and working in a group of your peers can take your practice farther than any marketing or business planning. When you have the self confidence that you need the marketing and business planning and action steps will come more easily.
